


Crushable

by jinhumph



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dementia, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Intimacy, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26936839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinhumph/pseuds/jinhumph
Summary: Jinho knows he's there. He can feel him. Touch him. Although, the hole in his heart does nothing but remind him that he lost Hongseok a long time ago.
Relationships: Jo Jinho | Jino/Yang Hongseok
Comments: 25
Kudos: 22





	1. terrified of these four walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been sitting in my drafts for quite some time due to a long ass block I had after writing the prologue, but I've decided to give it another try and finish what I had in mind back then. I think I posted the first chapter here not so long ago, but there were some grammar mistakes so I had to take it down. I apologize in advance if I missed something, english is not my native language :')
> 
> I've listed the trigger warnings in the additional tags, make sure to check them out before reading. Thank you!

The clock struck three in the morning. He had been awake for more than half an hour, lying in bed, covered in a pair of freshly bought white sheets.

His eyes were fixed on the fine line that ran through the ceiling, the room barely illuminated by the moonlight filtering through the curtains.

The door was half-closed, letting in the silence that surrounded the house every time Jinho turned off the television and joined him after finishing washing the dishes.

It was part of a routine for Jinho to stay up late, making sure everything was in order before going to bed while listening to the news at low volume so as not to disturb him.

Hongseok had told him more than once that it was not necessary, that the noise was the least that bothered him and that he preferred it over the _'tick-tock'_ of the clock. But, Jinho ignored him. He ignored what he said. It was like talking to the wall and Hongseok didn't know what to do anymore.

He didn't know how to get close to him without getting into a fight that didn't make sense at all. Likewise apologizing for not being able to control his impulses, earning him a forced smile on his part.

Hongseok hated it. He hated that Jinho looked at him that way as if he felt sorry for him. It made him feel dirty, wallowing in the damn habit of being together. A sick habit that fed on the person he had sworn to protect with all his might. The same person that now rested next to him, close to his body like many other nights.

Hongseok bit his lower lip. He didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve Jinho.

But he couldn't bring himself to be rude and ask him to leave. He didn't have the guts to look him in the eye and tell him that he no longer loved him, that he was sick of him and being treated like a child. He didn't want to. He couldn't.

He knew what awaited him if he let go of Jinho just now and he wasn't prepared to deal with it on his own, as selfish as it sounded.

"Damn it." He muttered under his breath, running a hand through his hair. His eyes fell on the small figure beside him. Jinho had a serene expression on his face. He was calm, away from the screams and blows he was caught in the afternoon. Hongseok wanted him to stay like this "Sorry.." He murmured, stroking one of his cheeks "I’m so sorry."

"Seok?" He heard his soft and sleepy voice as a tear touched his skin "What's wrong?"

"It’s nothing. Just a bad dream." He sought to reassure him. The last thing he wanted was to worry him late at night "I'm going for a glass of water, okay?"

"Don't you want me to..?"

Hongseok shook his head, ruffling his hair "No need."

"Are you sure?" Jinho didn't sound entirely convinced, he could see it in his eyes.

"Yeah, don't worry." He said, a half smile plastered on his face "I'll be right back."

Jinho returned the gesture, settling himself between the sheets. He looked so small, so fragile that Hongseok felt terrible just thinking that he might hurt him.

"Seok." He called, softly.

"Hmm?"

"Be careful." Hongseok just nodded and walked out the room in silence, his eyes itching from how much he had held back the tears.

He wanted to scream. Cry. Scratch the walls until his hands bleed. Tear apart the impotence that had embodied his skin and that seemed to be eating him from the inside.

He wanted.. _no_ , he had to. Before he ended up disappearing. Before he stopped being _'the Hongseok'_ that Jinho knew.

"Jinho, I'm sorry." He apologized again, watery eyes "I couldn't.."

The light across the hall flickered.

_One._

_Two._

_Three times,_ until it got dark.

Hongseok rubbed his eyes, groping for the wall. His feet felt cold as he stepped forward as if icy water trickled through his toes. He could even hear the sound it made running down the hall, mingling with the splash he made as he walked.

Ducking his head, he saw a white liquid that reached his ankles "What the heck?"

 _Click._ The light came on again, illuminating the long hallway. It was filled with water, the walls bathed in blood, a pair of chains hanging from the ceiling.

Hongseok took a step back, watching as they collided with the wide walls. The noise mingling with what appeared to be cries for help.

"That voice.." He heard a dull thump in the distance, followed by a heartbreaking cry. Hongseok knew it by heart "Jinho!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on twitter as @/jinhumph.-


	2. on hands and knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn. I can not believe I'm done with this chapter, time to work on the next one!

Hongseok ran. He ran as far as his legs allowed him, the walls getting narrower as if trying to trap him.

The darkness that surrounded the place made it hard for him to see across its surroundings whilst he left a trace that would show him the way back. But no matter how far he went, it was as if he was going round in circles. The hallway seemed to have turned into a bloody maze.

Hongseok gulped, trembled. His feet felt cold, the water seeping through his toes, marking the way forward.

In the distance, he could hear the old, rusty chains crashing against the wall. Over and over, piercing his ears.

"What the hell is going on?" He wondered, looking around. The place was dark, the only light fading away "Where am I?"

Disoriented, he searched for something that might look familiar. But the only thing he found was an icy wind that made his legs give away.

Hongseok scratched the wall trying to stand, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Wide open, horrified "There's no way out." It could be read, the message written between crooked lines "What does it mean?"

_"..seok."_

A low, silent whisper.

"Jinho?"

_"Hongseok."_

A cold, sharp blow.

"Jinho." He called out taking a step forward, his feet sunk in the water "Jinho!"

_"Get me out of here!"_

A broken, strangled cry.

"Where are you?" Hongseok felt his chest clench. Not only were the screams heartbreaking, so was the crying.

It reminded him of those sleepless nights, when Jinho turned his back on him and sobbed against the pillow. He looked so small and helpless that Hongseok wanted nothing more than wrap him in white sheets until the storm subsided.

 _"Don't cry for me."_ He mused, running a hand through his hair _"I don't deserve it."_

Jinho barely heard him as he curled onto a ball. His body trembled from holding back the tears, calling for him like a child who couldn't find his way home.

Hongseok's stomach turned. He felt useless. Powerless. He couldn't bear to see him like this. But there was so little he could do that his actions were reduced to chaste kisses down his neck and sweet words whispered in his ear.

 _"Hongseok?"_ He moved between the sheets, looking for him among the black cloak that surrounded them. Moonlight glinted off his pupils, a whimsical tear slipping down his face _"Don't leave me."_

Hongseok forced a smile, stroking his cheek. His skin was so smooth, so soft to the touch that it looked like porcelain. He was afraid it might break.

 _"Never."_ He promised, leaving a kiss on his forehead.

Jinho did nothing but cry, holding onto Hongseok as if he feared that he would fade away. The hands of the clock moved in the opposite direction, their remaining time as fragile as broken glass _"Don't let go."_

_"Please.."_

"Jinho!" He called again, raising his voice. He sounded scared. So scared that Hongseok's blood ran cold "Where are you?"

_"Right behind you."_

"Who..?"

Hongseok turned around, what seemed to be a shadow standing at the end of the hall. He could barely make out its figure. Head cocked to the side, watching him dead in the eye _"Did you lose something?"_

"J-Jinho." He stammered, his lips trembling "Where..?"

 _"Ah, that boy."_ The shadow said, its voice raspy _"He's right where you left him."_

"Huh?" The last time he saw Jinho was in the room before he went to get a glass of water. But, the room was gone and so was Jinho "What are you..?"

 _"See it for yourself."_ The shadow spat out those words maliciously, tilting its head in the opposite direction _"Or should I show you the way?"_

Hongseok made no sound. It was as if he had something stuck in his throat, his voice being eaten away by the fear spreading through his gut.

Same fear that seemed to have frozen each one of his senses, leaving him defenseless against _the thing_ that was right in front of him. Its behavior like that of a wild animal.

Hongseok bit his lower lip, unable to move a single muscle. His feet were flat on the ground. His body still. The blood sliding through his veins in a slow, painful rhythm.

Something was wrong. _So damn fucking wrong._

"I need to get out of here." He knew that panicking would only play against him, but it was hard to remain calm in a situation where he was clearly at a disadvantage.

But no matter how much he begged his legs to move, they seemed to be stuck in the water that, by now, was up to his knees. It was as if something pulled him from the bottom and got under his skin, messing up his nervous system.

Hongseok let out a groan, his head spinning. The vertigo made him feel dizzy, eyes barely focused on the upright figure on the other side of the hall, disappearing behind his eyelids. _Fuck._ He was about to pass out.

"Jin.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story is about to get a little bit heavy so I'd suggest you to check the tags from time to time. all trigger warnings will be listed there!


	3. crawling in my skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! here's a not so happy chapter to commemorate this day. enjoy! ( ；∀；)

Hongseok felt the air catch in his throat. His hands were shaking, his forehead bathed in sweat. It was as if he had been running until his legs finally gave up.

He couldn't breathe, a hideous smell sticking to his nostrils. _Blood._ It was blood. Too much blood. On the floor, the walls, his face, his hands. It was everywhere.

_Just like that day._

The footsteps, the screams, the water seeping under the bathroom door, the broken mirror on the sink.. _and Jinho._ His body limp, bathed in blood.

"It can't be happening.." He said, his lips trembling "Please, no. Not again."

He could still feel how cold Jinho was as he held him in his arms, begging him to open his eyes. It was like watching a flower wither, slowly losing its colors. No matter how much the rain wet the petals, it wasn't enough to make it bloom again. Just as his voice couldn't reach Jinho.

Hongseok let out a strangled cry, fingernails ripping his skin. The blood seeped through his fingers, staining his flesh until it burned his veins. He had hit rock bottom.

"Jin.. ho." He muttered, his voice cracking. His hands dug into the thick red liquid, forcing him to his feet. He had to find him. Just like that time, _he had to find him._

Hongseok hit his legs, forcing them to move. The cold under the soles of his feet made his muscles sag, preventing him from moving forward. He was stuck, not knowing where to go, losing track of time, trapped in a maze that seemed to have no way out. And worst of all, he was alone.

_"You're hopeless."_

Hongseok turned around. The hallway was shrouded in gloom, having swallowed up the trail of light reflecting off the rotting water.

The chains hanging from the ceiling slammed into the ground, knocking him off his feet.

He fell backwards, crying out in pain. It was as if his bones were breaking, infected by that poisonous liquid into which he was slowly sinking.

There was so little strength left in him that if it weren't for the fact that he could still hear his heartbeat, he would've let himself drown until he felt nothing. 

Wouldn't that be good? If he disappeared, time would no longer run in the opposite direction. The days would stop being gray. The flowers would regain their color. If he disappeared, Jinho could've the life he had long dreamed of. _If only he disappeared.._

_"It's no use. I'll make things easier for you."_

Hongseok covered his ears, the creak of a rusty door echoing down the hall. Was _that thing_ showing him the way out?

No, it couldn't be. The crooked letters he had come across as soon as he left their shared room said the opposite. _There was no way out._ He wasn't allowed to leave that place. Not anymore. 

"Damn it!" Hongseok growled, gritting his teeth "What do you want from me?"

An icy silence crept into his ears, his body trembled. He could feel a pair of hands sliding over his skin, squeezing his shoulders, hot breath against his neck. It was _that thing._ It was behind him.

Hongseok held his breath, his eyes closed. _It wasn't real._ Whatever was behind his back, it wasn't real. If he opened his eyes, he'd find himself a few steps from the staircase that led to the first floor. There'd be nothing there. 

However, the laughter that rumbled in his ears felt too real. A chill ran down his spine, knocking the air out of him.

_"I want you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it was so short. I ran out of time so I've to cut it in half. yet, I hope you enjoyed it. let me know what you think about the story so far! also, don't forget to check the tags from time to time since I'll be adding some trigger warnings as the story goes. see ya next time ( ˘ ³˘)♥


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